I will probably not be the only one to say oh shit 2020! What a waste of my lifetime. Yes Covid did affect this year for me but it had only been one minor spice to my unhealthy cocktail. Had Covid not happened, I could have run.
My father whom I never had a good relation with invited me to come to my place of birth and take over his property, his charitable trust in a place which been held up as paradise by some members of my family and criticized as the end of the world by others. But it was the pretty end – beautiful beaches, hills, and all fruits and vegetables growing at this place. He argued he was at the end of his life and might die very soon of his chronicle condition and he would like me to come and take over there and he would fully understand that a new generation will do things in their way.
I should have been wary of this. That the best way to deal with my father is not to deal with him. Ignore him as if he was not there, which he had been in regards of my life. But this lesson I had to learn many times.
It started off ok, but soon I felt to be surrounded by hippy stories, lays and twisted truth, and very very poor state of every object. And the downsides of living in a rural small community.
After a devastating time with too many strange people, living through storylines which I would have considered to be only possible in crappy American countryside movies. I picked up my feet and tried to leave but I was trapped in limbo of letting go or maybe giving it another chance. Or letting go or rethinking and not giving up yet. Or cut my costs, go? Don’t give up just yet it’s a great chance, see it through. On and off I worked on my project or on that trust-property issue.
It took me more than 18 months to realize and to cut most ties and settle with my earlier made-up project. To build my own boat, design it myself, create a newish concept – a prototype kite sailing proa. While all this difficult time it made me desire this project and start working for it. But I got so distracted and also felt quite lonely with no people to join me on my project. That I did not manage to move forward well and at the time of writing are still indecisive about how I will continue here.
I have to say I also met some really nice people in the area where my father asked me to come back to and gained some deeper understanding of my mum and her early choices when she got me and my siblings. These good people made it even harder to choose to let go and move on.
But I can say there is a lot to learn from shit times. Take that learning and grow.