The struggle and overthinking with a project like this might be a given thing but living through it and writing it down is tough for me.
The first kite sail test had been a major reality check, I could have enjoyed that moment, and taken it as encouragement. But my expectations, my mind had already sailed off. The fear of the hulls coming apart due to a loose lashing and the boat falling into its components while under the forces of the waves, weighed me down. Adding to this were the failed kite sailing tests when there had been insufficient wind to flay that particular 14qm Tube kite. Also, the realization that even with a flat coastline a forest already creates so much wind shelter and turbulence for a Tube kite not to fly well.
These mental doubts added to all the hours I had worked and the few comforts I allowed myself with almost no break, almost no other thing besides working on the boat. This took my drive and motivation, my positivity. I knew I needed to have a break, and recharge but taking a break, and stopping what one is doing also takes energy and courage. From October till April, I have been drifting through life offshore and onshore, falling and catching myself. With the northern spring, my desire to work on the AIVIA arose again.
While so I had to move my workshop and boat several times. Until I could relaunch AIVIA back into the Baltic Sea.